What Causes Limerence?

What causes limerence? There is actually a simple answer. Could it help you learn how to look for the signs of a potential LO, learn to avoid situations that could lead to limerence? No, it is not that simple of an answer. More often than not, a person learns about limerence when it’s too late…when they are in the throes of the whirlwind.

Are certain people more prone to experience limerence?

There are a few characteristics that seem to come up more often than others. Having one or more of these characteristics may mean you are more prone to limerence, but it is not a for sure thing. Likewise, not having any of these does not mean you will not experience it.

General Characteristics

  • Introvert
  • Unstable/Dysfunctional Early Family Life
  • Depression
  • Personality Disorder
  • Creative
  • Active Imagination
  • Low Self-Esteem

These are just a few qualities that seem to be brought up often among limerence sufferers

Knowing what might cause a person to be more prone to limerence gives us some insight into what causes limerence to develop. Despite the person a limerent is interested in being called the limerent “object”, the limerence itself has little to nothing to do with that person.

A limerent person craves validation. This is why the episode is not about the LO. No matter how much we want it, validation has to come from within ourselves. For the majority of people, that is a constant life struggle. It’s one of the reasons limerence affects so many. It would be so much easier if this person who walked into our lives could just say, “Hey. You’re awesome. In fact, you are so awesome that we should be together,” and magically your life is better.

That is not how life works.

The desire for that self-validation can be seen in the LOs we choose. LOs are usually self-confident, vibrant people. They are successful in life. They are comfortable with themselves.

My belief is that when these types of people give us personal attention, that is when limerence starts to take seed. The things that we wish about ourselves is right there in front of us in that person, that person who {gasp} perhaps even likes us. Could it be?

I won’t go too much into how we view the LOs since that will be a different article, but suffice it to say we put them on a pedestal at a height that they could never truly reach.

Even people who aren’t in limerence can be struggling for validation, in their job, their marriage, as a parent, as a human. Limerence is merely one form of dealing with that.

What you need to do is find out how you will deal with your limerence. Some people just live with it. Some struggle to get out of it. Some actually seem to enjoy it (though this is usually only in the beginning). Still others choose to focus on themselves and make themselves emotionally stronger so they do not need their LO. None of these options are wrong or right. Whatever helps you through is what you need to do. Do what feel right for you and makes you feel better regarding the situation.