Supernatural had it’s season finale this past Wednesday. It’s only been three days, but it seems like a week. I don’t know why. Regardless, I am trying to pull myself out of my Supernatural addiction and watch things that don’t relate to it somehow. I have a Netflix queue a mile long that I should really get to.
On Netflix though, it brought up the “Watch Again” section and in that section was Karla. This movie is based on the real-life story of Karla Homolka and Paul Bernado, aka “The Ken and Barbie Killers.” The first time I watched it was before I knew of Misha Collins, who played Paul. The movie left me feeling disconcerted due to the attraction to the rapist. Once I went through all of Supernatural and fell in love with Misha it made a lot more sense to me when I realized it had been him in the movie.
I decided watching something with one of my favorite Supernatural actors would be a good way to ease myself back into watching other things. (Don’t scoff!) Watching it this time, I was more cognizant of certain things than I was the first time around. First of all, Misha’s acting was amazing. He nailed all the little aspects of the personality disorder(s) of Paul and portraying lust and excitement while acting out a situation most consider reprehensible. It becomes one of those situations where you actually forget that you are watching an actor, which is both wonderful and terrifying, as well.
This article is not about the movie though. Nor is it about my personal thoughts about the case (I think Karla killed the girls). It is about what many women do not like to talk about – rape fantasies.
I mentioned in the post “‘K’ Is For Kinky” that I consider myself kinky because I wish to be dominated by a man. I’m a natural sub.
“I want to be with a man who can push me against the wall and kiss me until I lose my wits before throwing me down on the bed, tying me up, and torturing me with pleasure until I’m begging for release.”
Studies have shown that more than 90% of women admitted to fantasizing and of that, two-thirds admitted to forced or rape fantasies. It is thought that the percentage could be higher due to some women feeling guilt or shame about such fantasies and therefore not admitting to them. I will stand as a representative for women who have had the fantasy. Yes, I would fall into the category of having forced/rape fantasies. Under no circumstance does this mean I want to be forced into sex or raped. Often times with women, these fantasies have no basis in real life aside from the fact that it is started with non-consensual sexual activity. More often they just want to experience rough sex.
That is what makes watching something like Karla especially difficult to view. By all accounts, Paul was an attractive man so being played by the gorgeous Misha Collins is an accurate representation in that aspect. Fact set one is: we have an attractive, alpha male, who is incredibly charming, asserting his dominance. Females are biologically programmed to be drawn to dominant men.This is the type of man that would feature in a rape fantasy. Add that you are seeing him engage in rough sex. Sexual fantasies, including rape fantasies, cause arousal so to see this man handcuffing his willing girlfriend and having sex with her or later where she is bound and gagged during sex can be arousing. Based solely on that information, hell yeah, that is this the kind of guy I would like to be with. Note also, the scenes discussed here are with an of age woman. Also, the second scene was a dom and sub situation, a dom punishing his sub for her actions. Many women express a curiosity about dom/sub play in the bedroom.
Then we also have fact set two: this man is kidnapping and raping young girls, causing them immense physical, psychological, and emotional trauma. In this movie, he is also portrayed as physically abusive to his wife. We know those things are wrong and, with the exception of the few, those are generally things that would make a woman cross a man off her potential significant other list.
The existence of the second set of facts makes a woman feel very awkward about the first set. How can I be attracted to that kind of man? Does this make me a horrible person? Am I a psychopath? What would I have done in these situations? Karla was attracted to him. Am I like her?
I was experiencing those thoughts, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. It took a lot of thought to come to this realization that it is all about acknowledging that there are separate aspects of the situation and of the person. Being submissive and catering to a man in a sexual setting is a turn on for me. The rape of young girls is not. Just because they are being done by the same person does not mean you accept both things.
I like chocolate cake, but I hate coconut. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to see a German Chocolate Cake? They look so delicious! Just like the chocolate cake I love, but I cannot condone the use of coconut in chocolaty treats. See. That is a rational decision. You are capable of being rational and stepping away from something that appears good, but has too much bad in it.
These are completely normal feelings and you are not a psychopath. I mean, you might be. I don’t really know you that well, but these thoughts and feelings alone do not a psychopath make. It is important to understand that biological desires and even desired kinks can be packaged with horrible things. That does not mean you condone the horrible things. Unless, like Karla, you stay anyway and/or encourage the bad behavior.
It’s a war of the brain to accept that you find someone and some of their actions exciting/arousing/what have you, but that you do not agree with another set of their actions. When it comes down to real-life, most women when faced with finding out the man they love is a rapist, would turn tail and run straight to the police (which by the way is the right thing to do). Don’t walk. Run.
Don’t be afraid of your fantasies and don’t be ashamed by them. They do not mean there is anything abnormal about you. Fantasies are an escape from rationality; they don’t remove rational reasoning from you. You are still an amazing human being who just happens to have an intriguing imagination and a curiosity about not being in control. I would say that is a healthy curiosity.