Cathartic Apologizing

Sometimes things go wrong in limerence. Maybe a disclosure led to no contact or your nervous behavior was off-putting to your LO. Even more likely, your limerbrain has convinced you that LO is mad about something, anything. You don’t know what, but you must have done or said something. (Damn it! I used too many exclamation marks in that last text! I knew it!) This leads to the urge to apologize.

Apologizing to your LO for an unknown cause is not good. It is odd. I have done it and I promise you, you will feel worse after apologizing and finding out they were never upset to begin with. I imagine it made me seem overly sensitive or overly emotional.

Apologizing to end NC is not a good way to get over your limerence. If the urge seems overwhelming, I recommend writing out the apology, but do not send it to them. If it helps, post it online, but where they won’t see is. Share it in a limerence group. Post it in Craigslist “Missed Connections” section. Getting the feelings out there is very cathartic.

My experience revolves around one of my first limerent objects. All contact had to be stopped. My life went from seeing LO during the day and talking to him every single night until I went to bed to absolute zero. I still saw him during the day, but I could not talk to him. It was an absolutely miserable time for me. I felt the need to apologize, but how when I couldn’t talk to him?

I ended up writing it out and posting it as “Note” on Myspace (yeah, it was way back in the day).  I am sharing it here now in case it can help anyone with a similar issue.

If I had known to begin with that I was going to lose you completely, friendship and all, I never would have asked you your name. I would not have said a thing to you, not looked at you, not given you a second thought. But I did not know. And now that is how you are treating me. I’m sorry she got upset. I never wanted to mess up anything between you two. You know that. I said it before.

You’re so damn smart and I felt like I could ask you anything and you would know the answer. I don’t know who to go to now.

You were having issues and I tried to help. I worried about you (still do) and was willing to brain storm with you to better things.

I loved just talking to you and not just about stupid stuff, but about your work, your day, my day, my work, science, religion, lifestyles, whatever! It didn’t matter. I could carry on an intelligent conversation with you.

Now you won’t speak to me. You probably won’t even look at me.

I’m sorry. I cannot say it enough. I’m sorry I can’t change time. Sorry I kept you awake last night when you were tired. Sorry that I even care this damn much. Sorry that it ever started. Sorry that we got so close. But more then anything, I’m sorry that now I don’t have my friend.

(klyb)