Learning to Identify as Poly

In “Bisexual Realization,” I mentioned a woman named Molly who had invited me to her home for dinner and some hot tub time with herself and her husband, Mark. That was the night that I was introduced to polyamory.

I was given an adult beverage and climbed into the tub. I sat in one corner and they sat opposite me. After a bit, they told me what they were looking for. Mark asked if I knew what “polyamory” was. I didn’t so he explained that it literally meant, “multiple loves” and that it was being in a relationship with more than one person with equal love for the multiple partners. I was told about the basic poly formations. What they wanted was a triad, a three-person closed relationship with equal love between all partners, no jealousy. I said that it sounded very Utopian and they agreed. However, with love going in all directions there was no need for jealousy, so it was very possible.

JealousyThis was the beginning of my first ever bisexual relationship and first ever poly relationship. Yep, no tiptoeing in the water for me. I jumped right in.

Things with Mark and Molly did not work out though. After that, I let loose. Had some threesomes. Dated a married poly woman. Despite all this, I never considered myself polyamorous. I felt that described a type of relationship rather than myself.

Fast forward many years, I come across Polyamory Weekly and I start listening to some of their past podcasts. It was through hearing others stories
and opinions and hearing the information given that I realized I barely had a basic understanding of what a polyamorous relationship was. I learned a bit more about what I wanted in a relationship and it was not to be tied down to one person and it was not to be tied down in a triad. It was not to be tied down at all. (Well, not not at all, but that’s a story for the kink section. 😉 ) I had gone through the giving up of so much of me and my life and I will never do that again. For me, there is no one worth that.


Meeting someone who wants to share in my life though and lets me share in theirs, that is probably something I could get on board with. That kind of relationship is not something that can only be found with one person. It can be found with many. This Kimchi Cuddles (please check out the comics there! So spot on!) comic says it well:


That is what led me to finally consider myself polyamorous and to own it. I am not interested in dating right now and I don’t know that I ever will be. But I know if I do it will be with a better understanding of myself and the partner(s) I choose to be with will be better matched because of that fact.



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